6/6/2024

This is my first entry on this site, it's been a long time coming. I haven't written a journal entry in a while, especially in an actual notebook. This morning I weighed myself and I was back at my lowest weight, despite losing 64.3 pounds, I still have 20 more to go. I suppose I can be proud of myself for now, plent of people would've yo-yo'd by now. My 1 year anniversary to my eating disorder is in July. I think I might spend another birthday alone and unhappy. "Cheat days" are for losers and wannarexics. Perhaps I should do a metabolism day where I eat 800 cal intead of 600. Is being Anorexic inheritaly a female thing to do? I don't see many men with this disorder, and the "men" I do see are transgender. I don't count those, there's biological differences. I've been trying to update this site as much as I can. I'm planning on working on more reviews soon, so watch out for that. Today, my money hit my debit card, so I order a "Duck! The Carbine High Massacre" DVD and a KMFDM & Dethradiorecords.Online shirt. I also bought my boyfriend Discord nitro so he could use animated emojis. I'm losing the need to eat, I feel. I'm unsure, I've just been so stressed lately. There's cameras inside and outside my house, my mother had to change the locks. Everyday I'm afraid that something will happen to her. I just want to move on with my life. I start school again after 2 years in August. August 9th. Highschool, oh god. I hope I won't get bullied again. I don't want to spiral back into that. In 7th grade a kid was bullying me, so I cut myself in the middle of history class infront of him, and you know what this fucker did? He laughed.

6/11/2024

It's been a reeeeeeaaaallll shitty week, I must say. On Monday i went to see a new therapist, he was cool, new Monty Python and stuff, but while trying to discuss my eating disorder he didn't know the words for anorexic or bulimic or binge eating. He described anorexic as, "not eating for a while and then eating a lot" which is RIDICULOUS! I sat there and told this man I fasted for about 20 days and eat at most 600 calories a day and he STILL PROCEEDED TO TELL ME I DON'T HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. I believe he also implied that I needed to diet. He said to me that I just need to learn to do it healthy and asked what my weight was. Afterwards, I was so fucking panicked and pissed. I was convinced that I wasn't starving enough to be a REAL anorexic. I sobbed in the car as my mother drove me home. I threw out all the food in my house so I couldn't eat (I haven't eaten since), and I relapsed on my self harm after MONTHS of being clean. I've lost about 3 pounds since then, I was 150lbs and now I'm 147lbs. I think it was the stress and fasting that did it. Today will be better hopefully, my Dethradiorecords.Online shirt is arriving later and I'm going to OMAD on 390 cal oatmeal icecream as a treat.

6/17/2024

Wie gehts, heh? Whatever. Hello, hey, what's up, I'm back and updating again. Today's been weird. The past week has been weird. I thought I was gaining, but nope, I'm still at 147lbs. "You can always be thinner, look better," Ya know? I visited one of my grandmothers and cousin after nearly 3 years of no contact. It went... okay. She was shocked about the amount of weight I had lost, kept calling me skinny (eGo BoOsT!). My Duck! DVD had to be postponed, but my other shirts arrived. I went bowling, got some new CDs & DVDs. It was fun. For the Fourth of July I'm going to IKEA to get one of those big sharks. I already have a small one, so might as well get the WHOLE family. Overall I've just had a very positive week. I am IP banned from Tumblr though, shame.